For those who have asked I (Donna) do some limited editing and pull the titles of each blog from words which sum up meaningful moments in Missy's letters. I would like to thank a blog reader and cousin Janean who helped redesign the blog with a brighter look which better reflects Missy's current outlook on life. We hope you like it and find it easier to read.
It is Sunday morning and I have just emptied my first pen. I don't think I have ever done that in my whole life, use a whole pen-right down to the last drop! But I did today, engraving a reminder not only into my heart, but into the back of my beautiful NEW BIBLE!
Words I read last night and again and again this morning: "Because Jesus, (giving thanks )at the last supper, showing us how to transfigure all things-to take the pain that is given, give thanks for it, and transform it into a joy that fulfills all emptiness. I have glimpsed it: ...The hard discipline to lean into the ugly and whisper thanks to transfigure it into beauty. The hard discipline to give thanks for all things at all times because He is All Good. The hard discipline to number the griefs as grace because....God chooses to cut into my ungreatful heart to make me whole."( Anne Voskamp-One Thousand Gifts).
I was so excited this week to finally get to go to the library. I was like a kid in a candy store. There were so many good books. I wanted a little taste of them all. But my limit is three, every two weeks. I left with three I have already read, but felt need to devour again. Steinbeck's, The Grapes of Wrath, CS Lewis, Mere Christianity, and Ann Voskamp's , One Thousand Gifts. When I saw the later, I actually squealed with glee, and the librarian (another inmate -a sweet little old lady) looked up over her computer screen and peered down at me. I apologized, and she told me there was no need, she was happy to see that someone was so excited about books. We talked for a few minutes and she looked up a few books for me to see if they have them. I had just mentioned One Thousand Gifts to Jenny the day before. It is a book my cousin, Yvette loaned me a year ago, a book I started reading with my boys before I left, a book that helped me change my perspective and remove the scales from my eyes. I told Jenny that she should
read it, so when i saw it sitting on the shelf I knew I needed to check it out. I brought it back to the room, all giddy. Jenny asked my how long it got to keep it for, and when I answered, she looked dissapointed. She said, "I have so many books now that I am reading, I don't think that I could get through that one even if I tried." I asked what she thought about me reading it out loud every night , and she said "That would be great!" So we have had story time every night since! :)
After the first night, I was about half way through Chapter Two and I started to laugh, I asked,"Do you think anyone else in here is having Story Time?" She just laughed and said,"Nope-pretty sure we are the only ones!" We start Chapter 7 tonight, and as I read I continue to make note of the words that cut straight to the heart. For in ALL things, especially in this place, I've come to realize more and more each day, is what God desires most from me:
To See Him, Everywhere. He is not absent from the places where pain and sorrow seem to congregate. I simply fail at times, to look through the lens of Christ. "The only way to see God manifested in the world around us is with the eyes of Jesus within." Voskamp wrote. Cleaning the film off my lenses, it never ceases to amaze me how quickly they get cloudy. I start to wander, lost in my wilderness, forgetting that I only have enough manna for one day. I constantly return to him so that I can be filled; so that I can see. I know God has a purpose in ALL of this. Some days it just hurts. Yet when my eyes are good and clear I can see his goodness, even in a place all brown and orange. Therefore I have started a new thankfulness list. I knew I needed to start it before I got here-I asked my boys to do the same while I was gone. Our own "One Thousand Gifts". Because I know that they are there if I will only look. Last night I knew it was time to start when I read:
"Pay Tribute to God by Paying Attention."
I don't want to miss a single thing. I want Him to see that I see, and I do. I lean into the ugly, and I am thankful.
1. Gods own Love Letter (The Bible) that has managed to appear wherever I go.
2. Hands of my boys traced and mailed
3. My husband's soft heart
4. Words of worship typed up by a friend.
5. Letters full of laughter, life and love.
6. Conditioner-So I can comb my hair through.
7. Pens that keep working, right down to the last drop.
8. A mother-in-law who loves me as her own and types ridiculously long blog posts on my behalf.
9. Family and friends that live out 1John 4:12.
10. Bulletin boards, pictures and tacks.
11. A dirt track.
12. Postcards that spell out my name.
Searching for beauty at fat camp, Missy
Note: Missy and I discussed One Thousand Gifts this fall, I hope that you might read it this summer too and find it as rich as we have, Donna
Saturday, May 25, 2013
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Joy In My Teeth-Written May 8, 2013
My sweet family and friends, I feel as if I have a million things to tell you, I am not sure where to start! Thank you for all your encouragement, God seems to speak to me directly through you. As I write this to you from the top bunk, my bunkie Jenny sits at the desk below me writting letters too and blasting her little radio so I can hear KLOVE through her headphones.
Last Wednesday as I sat outside Santa Cruz after being stripped down yet again, all pride and vanity also stripped away, I looked across the dirt field, across a sea of orange to four concrete walls and fenced in buildings where I will spend the next two plus years of my life, and I was suddenly terrified. I quickly said a prayer begging-imploring God to give me a good bunkie. The guard gave us our assignments and we walked through the gates, everything we had slung over our shoulders in a net bag, as three girls walked by and said "Welcome to Hell Ladies!" I just kept walking and kept whispering prayers under my breath. God answered that desperate prayer of mine outside the gate and gave me Jenny, the best bunkie on Santa Cruz.
When I found my room and my new bunkie inside, I looked around, it was clean and it actually smelled good! Like shampoo and good soap. She had her Bible open in front of her and a bowl of colored pencils. I went to put my things away and went to wipe things off and she said she had washed everything off already with soap and water, the drawers, shelves, mattress and under the bed because the last girl was disgusting. So I made my bed and it was time for lunch where she introduced me to some of her friends.
Later that first night she looked at me and said "Who ARE you? You don't belong here!" I said, "No, I totally deserve to be here, I'm a mess, but I'm working on that." To which she responded, "I think God sent you here for me, I've been praying for you." I said, "Yeah, me too."
It's crazy, I'm living the next two years of my life in this sea of brokenness and heartache. In a place where the depravity of man is the color orange, God has given me an island of safety, one that is even clean and smells good! I am forever thankful. Don't get me wrong, this place sucks. My mattress is as hard as a rock, my room is freezing, and in another month it will be unbearably hot, my hips and shoulders hurt every morning, and I am away from everyone I love. But God keeps reminding me to keep my eyes on Him. The song I'm listening to right now says "Hold on to the Promises". So that is what I do, knowing that he is transforming me day by day.
I've had three people this week say "You don't belong here". I say, "Yes I do, I made a huge mistake, a whole series of them". They all say the same thing, they don't even want to know why I am here, just that they can tell I am different. Well I am glad that they can tell that, even if they aren't exactly sure why yet.
Maybe they can see Jesus in my teeth! I'm the only one around here who smiles. One of the guards always says, "Oh, It's you again, what are you so happy about ?" The first time he told me that I said, "You are mistaken, it's not happiness-I'm in prison. It is Joy." He looked at me like I was crazy and kept doing rounds. A half hour later he came back and poked his head in again and I waved. I wave at all the guards when they look in, apparently I'm the only one-ha! He said "Seriously, what are you so joyful about?" I said, "Jesus". He just stood there for a second and then said "OK...goodnight then." A couple of days later he was working the yard gate where I was walking the track and he looked at me and smiled and said, "Oh, It's you, the joyful one". It made me laugh. I have no idea what God is doing with all of this, but it makes me hopeful. I'm glad to know that I look different, because when I look out my door I see alot of sadness, despair and a severe lack of teeth! There are a lot of rotten and missing teeth here. Maybe they really can see Jesus in my teeth! Anyway, please pray for opportunities to share his love with others.
Ok, so this is turning into the longest letter ever, so I'll say goodbye. Thank You again for all your letters, I love reading them. Mail call is my favorite time of day :). I'll write again soon. In the meantime know I'm praying for you all daily, those who have sent me something specific, I have lots of time to pray! I carry you close to my heart. How incredibly blessed I am to have you, to call you my family and friends. No one I know has a greater gift. I know this now more than ever. Thank you for walking alongside me, for not leaving me alone in this. What amazing grace you give!
Big love and hugs to you
Peace Out from Fat Camp,
Missy
Last Wednesday as I sat outside Santa Cruz after being stripped down yet again, all pride and vanity also stripped away, I looked across the dirt field, across a sea of orange to four concrete walls and fenced in buildings where I will spend the next two plus years of my life, and I was suddenly terrified. I quickly said a prayer begging-imploring God to give me a good bunkie. The guard gave us our assignments and we walked through the gates, everything we had slung over our shoulders in a net bag, as three girls walked by and said "Welcome to Hell Ladies!" I just kept walking and kept whispering prayers under my breath. God answered that desperate prayer of mine outside the gate and gave me Jenny, the best bunkie on Santa Cruz.
When I found my room and my new bunkie inside, I looked around, it was clean and it actually smelled good! Like shampoo and good soap. She had her Bible open in front of her and a bowl of colored pencils. I went to put my things away and went to wipe things off and she said she had washed everything off already with soap and water, the drawers, shelves, mattress and under the bed because the last girl was disgusting. So I made my bed and it was time for lunch where she introduced me to some of her friends.
Later that first night she looked at me and said "Who ARE you? You don't belong here!" I said, "No, I totally deserve to be here, I'm a mess, but I'm working on that." To which she responded, "I think God sent you here for me, I've been praying for you." I said, "Yeah, me too."
It's crazy, I'm living the next two years of my life in this sea of brokenness and heartache. In a place where the depravity of man is the color orange, God has given me an island of safety, one that is even clean and smells good! I am forever thankful. Don't get me wrong, this place sucks. My mattress is as hard as a rock, my room is freezing, and in another month it will be unbearably hot, my hips and shoulders hurt every morning, and I am away from everyone I love. But God keeps reminding me to keep my eyes on Him. The song I'm listening to right now says "Hold on to the Promises". So that is what I do, knowing that he is transforming me day by day.
I've had three people this week say "You don't belong here". I say, "Yes I do, I made a huge mistake, a whole series of them". They all say the same thing, they don't even want to know why I am here, just that they can tell I am different. Well I am glad that they can tell that, even if they aren't exactly sure why yet.
Maybe they can see Jesus in my teeth! I'm the only one around here who smiles. One of the guards always says, "Oh, It's you again, what are you so happy about ?" The first time he told me that I said, "You are mistaken, it's not happiness-I'm in prison. It is Joy." He looked at me like I was crazy and kept doing rounds. A half hour later he came back and poked his head in again and I waved. I wave at all the guards when they look in, apparently I'm the only one-ha! He said "Seriously, what are you so joyful about?" I said, "Jesus". He just stood there for a second and then said "OK...goodnight then." A couple of days later he was working the yard gate where I was walking the track and he looked at me and smiled and said, "Oh, It's you, the joyful one". It made me laugh. I have no idea what God is doing with all of this, but it makes me hopeful. I'm glad to know that I look different, because when I look out my door I see alot of sadness, despair and a severe lack of teeth! There are a lot of rotten and missing teeth here. Maybe they really can see Jesus in my teeth! Anyway, please pray for opportunities to share his love with others.
Ok, so this is turning into the longest letter ever, so I'll say goodbye. Thank You again for all your letters, I love reading them. Mail call is my favorite time of day :). I'll write again soon. In the meantime know I'm praying for you all daily, those who have sent me something specific, I have lots of time to pray! I carry you close to my heart. How incredibly blessed I am to have you, to call you my family and friends. No one I know has a greater gift. I know this now more than ever. Thank you for walking alongside me, for not leaving me alone in this. What amazing grace you give!
Big love and hugs to you
Peace Out from Fat Camp,
Missy
Friday, May 3, 2013
NEW! Santa Cruz Address A Permanent Home
Melissa A. Dalton #280198
ASPC Perryville
Santa Cruz 20-C-137U
P.O. Box 3200 *Corrected May 4*
Goodyear, AZ 85395
You may now order books or magazines for Missy see FAQ or the Perryville website to see how that is done, they must come from an outside vendor. We are also tracking the first big orders, so let me know what you want to send, so we don't duplicate. So far someone is sending a study Bible, Jesus Calling daily devotionals and Stormie Omartian Prayer book. That's what I know about anyway.
If you are one of Missy's visitors I have sent you some instructions to get started on that process.
ASPC Perryville
Santa Cruz 20-C-137U
P.O. Box 3200 *Corrected May 4*
Goodyear, AZ 85395
You may now order books or magazines for Missy see FAQ or the Perryville website to see how that is done, they must come from an outside vendor. We are also tracking the first big orders, so let me know what you want to send, so we don't duplicate. So far someone is sending a study Bible, Jesus Calling daily devotionals and Stormie Omartian Prayer book. That's what I know about anyway.
If you are one of Missy's visitors I have sent you some instructions to get started on that process.
Thursday, May 2, 2013
Books And Visitors
Many have asked about ordering books or magazines and sending them. Missy can not receive them until she is assigned to her permanent yard. So please wait. So far, she has not been transferred and we don't know when that will be, they like to keep that secret. But, she can still receive cards and letters , and they will be forwarded when she moves. While she can not shop at the commissary yet, she can build up her account to purchase necessities that she will need as soon as she gets her own room, so you may send money orders. Please read prior posts how to send Money Orders. Also, please do not apply for visitor status until she is transferred to a permanent yard. Will keep you posted as soon as we get word.
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Love in the Mail - April 23, 2013
I got a fistful of letters today :) and one from myself , it was the very first one I wrote to you on the nineteenth. I was so worried about getting the return address correct, that I forgot to write an address on it to send it, so it was returned to me!. So this is an update (five days later, now we know how long the mail takes from Perryville to Tucson).
First of ALL, thank you for letters and pictures, they make me miss you even more, but I am really glad to have them. It makes me feel not forgotten and alone. I've had to fight that feeling a few times this week. I got a bunkie Friday after dinner. She's nice, 23, and she sleeps alot. Saturday I talked one of the Officers into giving me a Bible. It is one of those tiny Gideon Psalms-Proverbs, New Testment Ones. It took a little convincing , but he relented after I promised not to rip out the pages and use them for rolling papers.
The girls and I have figured out that we can hear each other through the vents, and have spent the last three nights singing every song we can think of. For them its a lot of ninetys rap, Selena, and Mariachi music. I told them I only know all the words to "I Love Jesus" music. They said "OK"', let's hear it! So I sang everything I could remember the words to, and they asked me to sing it again. So the nights usually start out kind of silly, with us trying to remember all the words to a Sir -Mix-A-Lot song, and end with Amazing Grace and Psalm 40. The girl next door was raised Catholic and she asks me if I will say the Lords prayer with her every night before we go to sleep. All the girls love "As the Deer Panteth For The Water", they ask for it every night, which is good because I told Seth and Ev that I'd sing it to them every night at eight. Thankfully I havent had a bunkie that minds :).
They did our interviews today and told me I will be going to Santa Cruz yard. Hopefully that will be in the next couple of days. I am thankful that they are moving as fast as they are. Some girls that are back here again said that their first time here they were in R& A for eleven weeks! So I guess I can not complain. I wish I had more paper and envelopes and something other than this golf pencil that I have to creatively sharpen in order to write you individually. Its the first thing I'm going to buy when I get out of here. In the meantime please tell the boys thanks for their drawings and notes, I love them. Give them BIG HUGS and smooches and snuggles. Please let Jenn and Tammy know I got their letters, they were such an encouragement to me. Mom thanks for sending letters and scriptures and pictures and for keeping everyone in the loop for me.
At night when we are singing through the vents, it begins to feel less like prison, and more like church camp, even though it's just for a couple of hours. I was just telling a couple of the girls, sometimes God changes my circumstances, but most of the time in my life he chooses to change me, despite them. I can feel him doing that still now, and I am thankful for it.
I Love You and Miss You more than I can say. Thank You for sending Love In The Mail.
They are my Treasures. I will mail this in the morning, this time with an address :).
Big Hugs and Love, Missy
First of ALL, thank you for letters and pictures, they make me miss you even more, but I am really glad to have them. It makes me feel not forgotten and alone. I've had to fight that feeling a few times this week. I got a bunkie Friday after dinner. She's nice, 23, and she sleeps alot. Saturday I talked one of the Officers into giving me a Bible. It is one of those tiny Gideon Psalms-Proverbs, New Testment Ones. It took a little convincing , but he relented after I promised not to rip out the pages and use them for rolling papers.
The girls and I have figured out that we can hear each other through the vents, and have spent the last three nights singing every song we can think of. For them its a lot of ninetys rap, Selena, and Mariachi music. I told them I only know all the words to "I Love Jesus" music. They said "OK"', let's hear it! So I sang everything I could remember the words to, and they asked me to sing it again. So the nights usually start out kind of silly, with us trying to remember all the words to a Sir -Mix-A-Lot song, and end with Amazing Grace and Psalm 40. The girl next door was raised Catholic and she asks me if I will say the Lords prayer with her every night before we go to sleep. All the girls love "As the Deer Panteth For The Water", they ask for it every night, which is good because I told Seth and Ev that I'd sing it to them every night at eight. Thankfully I havent had a bunkie that minds :).
They did our interviews today and told me I will be going to Santa Cruz yard. Hopefully that will be in the next couple of days. I am thankful that they are moving as fast as they are. Some girls that are back here again said that their first time here they were in R& A for eleven weeks! So I guess I can not complain. I wish I had more paper and envelopes and something other than this golf pencil that I have to creatively sharpen in order to write you individually. Its the first thing I'm going to buy when I get out of here. In the meantime please tell the boys thanks for their drawings and notes, I love them. Give them BIG HUGS and smooches and snuggles. Please let Jenn and Tammy know I got their letters, they were such an encouragement to me. Mom thanks for sending letters and scriptures and pictures and for keeping everyone in the loop for me.
At night when we are singing through the vents, it begins to feel less like prison, and more like church camp, even though it's just for a couple of hours. I was just telling a couple of the girls, sometimes God changes my circumstances, but most of the time in my life he chooses to change me, despite them. I can feel him doing that still now, and I am thankful for it.
I Love You and Miss You more than I can say. Thank You for sending Love In The Mail.
They are my Treasures. I will mail this in the morning, this time with an address :).
Big Hugs and Love, Missy
Monday, April 29, 2013
I'm Here April 19, 2013 from Perryvile R & A
(This letter was lost in the mail and just received April 29)
Sorry to only write one letter, but I only get five stamped envelopes and five pieces of paper per month in receiving. Since I have no idea how long I will be here I am trying to conserve. Intake says they are moving pretty quick, but some of these girls have been here three weeks already, so we will see. Pray it goes fast. When I got here my roommate, my "bunkie" gave me advice, all the "street smarts" I would need here, that I could fit in my brain, before she rolled out ( assigned to a yard) in the morning. She left after breakfast, now I am alone, I like it that way. My room is right next to the showers, there are 2 showers for 96 girls in our Pod, so at recreation time I am pretty much assured a a shower-Yay!
I hope I never get used to prison smells. Nothing smells good or clean, everything smells like a public restroom, not a fancy one but like a JCPenny restroom . Yuck!
I am SHOCKED by the number of people that are in here AGAIN! it's crazy! We took tests today. In
ability in English, Language and Math. They just want you to get an eighth grade equivalency. I was the only one in my group who passed all three. I got a 12.9 in all of them. The tester said I should be a tutor, not shocking, but good. I guess it is a job that is alot of hours and pays better than most. There is a girl in intake with me she is thirty years old, six months pregnant with her eighth child and can't read. I had to fill out her paperwork for her. it's crazy, I feel like I am in the Twilight Zone. I didn't know people like this existed outside tv and movies.
I am anxious to get out of here and into a yard. I am in lockdown twenty three hours a day in a room that is freezing. Thankfully they gave us our State Issued clothing today. Two each: jumpsuits, shirts, socks, undies, shorts and thankfully a jacket. The undies are the biggest things I've ever seen, I could parachute with them! it's funny. They gave us a pillowcase, but no pillow, ha!
I'm hoping I can get ahold of a Bible soon. Right now I have a crime novel and a Jason Bourne book. I still think it is funny that prison is full of crime and murder mysteries.
I'm really thankful that God has allowed some girls to be in here who have been in here before to give advice, but he has not allowed anyone to stay long, except those who Love Jesus! Everyone else has floated in and out quickly. This means sometimes I'm alone, but I think that is his protection over me.
Don't worry, I'm doing OK, this place is like boot camp with a bunch of crazies, but it is nothing I can't handle. Well, if I can handle all these pigeons that hang out here, I hate birds! I will write again within the week. I Love You Xoxoxo Mom please share this.
Sorry to only write one letter, but I only get five stamped envelopes and five pieces of paper per month in receiving. Since I have no idea how long I will be here I am trying to conserve. Intake says they are moving pretty quick, but some of these girls have been here three weeks already, so we will see. Pray it goes fast. When I got here my roommate, my "bunkie" gave me advice, all the "street smarts" I would need here, that I could fit in my brain, before she rolled out ( assigned to a yard) in the morning. She left after breakfast, now I am alone, I like it that way. My room is right next to the showers, there are 2 showers for 96 girls in our Pod, so at recreation time I am pretty much assured a a shower-Yay!
I hope I never get used to prison smells. Nothing smells good or clean, everything smells like a public restroom, not a fancy one but like a JCPenny restroom . Yuck!
I am SHOCKED by the number of people that are in here AGAIN! it's crazy! We took tests today. In
ability in English, Language and Math. They just want you to get an eighth grade equivalency. I was the only one in my group who passed all three. I got a 12.9 in all of them. The tester said I should be a tutor, not shocking, but good. I guess it is a job that is alot of hours and pays better than most. There is a girl in intake with me she is thirty years old, six months pregnant with her eighth child and can't read. I had to fill out her paperwork for her. it's crazy, I feel like I am in the Twilight Zone. I didn't know people like this existed outside tv and movies.
I am anxious to get out of here and into a yard. I am in lockdown twenty three hours a day in a room that is freezing. Thankfully they gave us our State Issued clothing today. Two each: jumpsuits, shirts, socks, undies, shorts and thankfully a jacket. The undies are the biggest things I've ever seen, I could parachute with them! it's funny. They gave us a pillowcase, but no pillow, ha!
I'm hoping I can get ahold of a Bible soon. Right now I have a crime novel and a Jason Bourne book. I still think it is funny that prison is full of crime and murder mysteries.
I'm really thankful that God has allowed some girls to be in here who have been in here before to give advice, but he has not allowed anyone to stay long, except those who Love Jesus! Everyone else has floated in and out quickly. This means sometimes I'm alone, but I think that is his protection over me.
Don't worry, I'm doing OK, this place is like boot camp with a bunch of crazies, but it is nothing I can't handle. Well, if I can handle all these pigeons that hang out here, I hate birds! I will write again within the week. I Love You Xoxoxo Mom please share this.
Friday, April 19, 2013
ADOC Number 280198 Letters from Home
Now that Missy has arrived at Perryville, it is time to start writing those letters and cards from home, check the guidelines in FAQ's. Also many have asked about sending books, magazines, etc, also in FAQ, short answer, they have to be sent through Amazon, or Target.
Money Orders: If you wish to send Missy a money order you will need to send it in a letter to the prison address below. Always tell her in separate letter or card that you are sending a MO and the amount. It should be made payable like this:
Arizona Department of Corrections for Melissa A. Dalton ADC #280198
And Mail to:
ASPC Perryville Inmate Accounts
P.O. Box 3300
Goodyear, AZ 85395
Always use a MO from a bank, Post office or Walmart. Do Not use Circle K, they will not accept.
Never send more than $99 at a time.
Items she will be purchasing: shoes, underwear, linens, fan, ice chest, CD player, sundries such as soap and personal care items, stationary, snacks and much more on an ongoing basis. You would be amazed at what the system does not provide and her wages will be .20/hr if/when she is assigned a job.
Missy's a generous soul and any overages will be shared with others.
Money Orders: If you wish to send Missy a money order you will need to send it in a letter to the prison address below. Always tell her in separate letter or card that you are sending a MO and the amount. It should be made payable like this:
Arizona Department of Corrections for Melissa A. Dalton ADC #280198
And Mail to:
ASPC Perryville Inmate Accounts
P.O. Box 3300
Goodyear, AZ 85395
Always use a MO from a bank, Post office or Walmart. Do Not use Circle K, they will not accept.
Never send more than $99 at a time.
Items she will be purchasing: shoes, underwear, linens, fan, ice chest, CD player, sundries such as soap and personal care items, stationary, snacks and much more on an ongoing basis. You would be amazed at what the system does not provide and her wages will be .20/hr if/when she is assigned a job.
Missy's a generous soul and any overages will be shared with others.
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