My Sweet Family & Friends,
Hi! It has been a little over two months since I wrote you last - please forgive me. I initially slowed down as we worked on the logistics of my posts, not wanting to overwhelm any one member of my wonderful family with having to type up numerous verbose letters. And then I just got into a funk. Nothing truly terrible, simply an adjustment to my new reality. So please don't worry - I've snapped out of it, all is well, and I will be sure to write more consistently. It really does help me process things and tends to cement in the things God is teaching me.
The past couple of months have flown by - I can't believe we are already half-way through September! I am officially under my two year mark - only 23 miles to go! I have always felt that the first mile or two of any race hurt as your heart and lungs adjust. This has proven to be the same. But the initial shock is over, I have settled into a stride I can maintain for the endurance, and in the back of my head I can hear the voice of a small blue fish: "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..." :)
Thank you for continuing to write me faithfully, even (especially) when I remained so silent. It means more to me than I can say. And thank you so much for all the birthday cards and letters you sent - they were the best! They made me laugh and cry, and laugh so hard I cried. I was so blessed by you. I also received some great books and CD's from friends and family. (Thank You! You know who you are. :)) I have enjoyed them immensely.
Alright, I'm gonna try to give you the condensed version of the past two months: After observing the girls on my yard and hiding in my room until somewhere towards the beginning of July, I decided to venture outside. I made a friend Staci - she is in my counseling group and on my yard. She is normal and nice and loves Jesus. We try to keep each other sane. She introduced me to a few other girls that she is friends with and they've been really great. The Fourth of July was the first day I was able to look around and see the women around me for what they really are - not scary, just broken. It was a good day filled with hamburgers (well - soyburgers) and turkey hotdogs, a big slice of watermelon (Gift #120), corn on the cod & apple pie (#126), frisbees and a hula hoop contest. Oh yes, we found some hula hoops buried in the rec room that day and let me tell you - they provided hours worth of entertainment, despite the 110 degree plus heat. Hula hoops - Gift #127. Lock down is at 8pm and we weren't allowed to stay out in search for fireworks that night. But at 9pm, I decided to peek out the window, just in case, and do you know what I saw? Fireworks. :) Jenny was amazed - she hadn't seen them at all in the three years she's been locked up. We both stood there faces smooshed up against our 5"x24" window, fully aware it was a gift, #125 on my list, I'm not sure what number it was for Jenny. She won't tell me, not until next November. The night before she goes home we're going to read each other our gifts - the ones God has given us while in prison. I'm not sure if we'll make it to one thousand, but I know that if I don't it's not because God hasn't continued to give them, it's because of my lack of discipline in writing them down.
My birthday came later in July and I was showered with cards all month. Thank you! The day after my birthday I got a visit from my boys & husband & in-laws. It was the best gift ever. My sister, brother-in-law and niece are the nicest and come see me just about every single weekend. They stuff me full of over-priced vending machine food and let me win at Sorry and Uno. My Dad, his wife, my brother and his wife, and three of my besties have been able to come up a couple of times also. It has been so nice! I am able to call home just about every night and that has been such a gift. I've survived my first summer with no AC, learned that swamp coolers are laughable during monsoon season, and that they don't work without an adequate water line running to them. In July and August, our rooms stayed at about 96 degrees, colling off to 90 at night if we were lucky. But the worst is over and Fall is just around the corner. I also made it through my first haboob! Two or three, actually, but the first was the worst! Dust blew through the cracks in the door, windows and through the vent, leaving a thin layer over the entire room. I've never seen anything like it.
I've applied to a bunch of jobs, but my schedule is a little wonky with my counseling and computer class, and we aren't a working yard. There are more girls than jobs. So I keep applying, and in the mean time I'm helping a couple of girls in mandatory with their homework so they can pass their test. Mandatory is the class inmates are put in until they can pass at least an 8th grade equivalency test. Until they pass, they can't make more than 10 cents per hour and they don't qualify for their 85%. I'm still reading A Lot - more than I ever have. I'm on book 36 right now - C.S. Lewis' Till We Have Faces. I also finished my chronological Bible reading plan last week, finishing in a little over 2.5 months. I'm currently doing a study on Romans. God continues to teach me something new every day. I could fill books. But this letter is getting long and for the sake of my sister I'm going to wrap it up. I'll write again soon - for reals. In the meantime, know that I love you, I think about and pray for you daily and miss you fiercely. Please pray for the girls on Santa Cruz, and for me too. "...but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope." Romans 5:3-4.
Love from Fat Camp,
Missy
Sunday, September 22, 2013
Friday, June 28, 2013
Happy Birthday to Missy
July 19th is Melissas 35th Birthday. Lets storm the gates of Perryville ALL MONTH LONG with birthday cards. Please just take a moment. It means so much. A reminder: no glitter, foam, standouts, simple cards are best, no colored paper. The address is on FAQ panel to your left. It takes five days for mail from Tucson, so please start getting them in the mail ASAP. Thanks, Donna
PS: Please follow previously published guidelines for sending books, magazines or money orders for Missy's expense account.
(See Letters From Home Post 4/19/13)
PS: Please follow previously published guidelines for sending books, magazines or money orders for Missy's expense account.
(See Letters From Home Post 4/19/13)
Thursday, June 13, 2013
A Big 'Ol Rock
My sweet family and friends, Well, I am looking at my list of months, the one I have written on the back of a tablet of lined paper. It stretches the length of it, and some days it just looks long. I try not to look at it until the end of the month when I get to check it off. (Why does it seem so satisfying to check things off a list?) But today I looked, today I counted-26. Well, about 26.2 to be precise. When that realization of 26.2 sunk in, relief washed over me. It's a marathon-I only have a marathon left! O.K., some of you may think something different when you hear the word marathon, but it brought me great relief, and even a little joy. Don't get me wrong, marathons hurt. They give me blisters, claim my toenails, burn my lungs and make my heart feel like it is going to melt inside my chest. Somewhere between mile 18 and mile 24 I feel like my legs are simultaneously made of lead and sharp knives. It hurts to walk, so I just keep running. But in the end, when I am finished, I feel strong, maybe not so much my body as my heart. SO Praise God! I only have a marathon left. I pray He helps me run it well. I press on, knowing when it is over, my heart will be strong. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.
Its been an interesting week around here. We have been locked down a few times, not entirely sure why. Ive heard alot of stories on "orange.com."ha. But you can only believe about half of what you hear. Anyway, yesterday about 4:15am they decided to spice things up by popping our doors open and while yelling"Get up and Get outside!", (yelling profanities) That was a little dramatic for me. So we ended up siting outside while for awhile while they shook our rooms and brought the dogs over to sniff us. Everyone was irritated and looking down. I was sitting outside my door looking at my shoes contemplating squashing a baby cricket, ( girls around here say having a cricket in your room is good luck, I just say eww... gross, there is a bug in my room, step on it!) So while considering crickets, I hear God whisper, "Look Up". Sometimes, I don't listen very well, but this time I did. I saw the sun begin to rise. The clouds went from purple to having a lining of soft pink, and as the sun continued in ascent they became like fluffy balls of fire. It was beautiful. It is amazing what you discover when you change your perspective. In one moment I felt big and what I saw was ugly, and in the next, I felt small and what I saw was beauty. Funny how God does that.
I dont know if you noticed that in May the moon had a couple of nights when it was so big and so bright, it lit up the sky like it was day. There were two nights it was so bright through my window that around 2:30 am it woke me up. I'm so glad it did. I would have hated to miss it. I layed in bed an stared at it, remembering David Crowder's "Illuminated" album. Inside the cover it talks about the difference in an illuminating object-something capable of producing it's own light, and an illuminated object-something that simply reflects light; it has no capability of creating it's own. The sun is illuminating, the moon illuminated. The closer the illuminated object is to the illuminating object; the brighter it will seem. The clouds yesterday, the moon in May-their proximity to the sun showed. It reminded me of the face of Moses in Exodus, when he came down from Mount Sinai. He had been so close to God that even after he came back down, his face was still glowing bright. When Paul reminds of the story of Moses in 2nd Corinthians he tells us because of Christ we get to stand and be illuminated and reflect the glory of the son. What more can I ask? If God can light up that giant rock in the sky like a lamp, maybe there is hope for me, if only I walk closely.
I went to church tonight. Worship remains my favorite time of the week. I sing alot on my own, but there is something powerful, something beautiful about singing to the One who is worthy in the company of a bunch of convicts. Their facades have been stripped away, they come with their hearts bowed low and broken. These girls dont just sing, they cry out from the depths of their hearts until I can feel my soul vibrate along with the waves of their praise. All I can think of are the words of an old Lifehouse song-"How can I stand here and not be moved by you?"I cannot-It is impossible, and I am moved to tears. I can only mouth the words as tears continue to stream down; their worship so honest, pounds through my chest. "Lord, I love You." More than life..." It is desperation at its most beautiful. For that, I wish you were here.
Thank God, that there is no place where he won't meet us. That all he asks is to walk closely; even if wer'e just a big 'Ol Rock or a bunch of water vapor, we can be transformed to reflect his glory in the most beautiful way. Praying for you to be illuminated this week-Here's to unveiled Glory! :)
Love from Fat Camp, Missy
Its been an interesting week around here. We have been locked down a few times, not entirely sure why. Ive heard alot of stories on "orange.com."ha. But you can only believe about half of what you hear. Anyway, yesterday about 4:15am they decided to spice things up by popping our doors open and while yelling"Get up and Get outside!", (yelling profanities) That was a little dramatic for me. So we ended up siting outside while for awhile while they shook our rooms and brought the dogs over to sniff us. Everyone was irritated and looking down. I was sitting outside my door looking at my shoes contemplating squashing a baby cricket, ( girls around here say having a cricket in your room is good luck, I just say eww... gross, there is a bug in my room, step on it!) So while considering crickets, I hear God whisper, "Look Up". Sometimes, I don't listen very well, but this time I did. I saw the sun begin to rise. The clouds went from purple to having a lining of soft pink, and as the sun continued in ascent they became like fluffy balls of fire. It was beautiful. It is amazing what you discover when you change your perspective. In one moment I felt big and what I saw was ugly, and in the next, I felt small and what I saw was beauty. Funny how God does that.
I dont know if you noticed that in May the moon had a couple of nights when it was so big and so bright, it lit up the sky like it was day. There were two nights it was so bright through my window that around 2:30 am it woke me up. I'm so glad it did. I would have hated to miss it. I layed in bed an stared at it, remembering David Crowder's "Illuminated" album. Inside the cover it talks about the difference in an illuminating object-something capable of producing it's own light, and an illuminated object-something that simply reflects light; it has no capability of creating it's own. The sun is illuminating, the moon illuminated. The closer the illuminated object is to the illuminating object; the brighter it will seem. The clouds yesterday, the moon in May-their proximity to the sun showed. It reminded me of the face of Moses in Exodus, when he came down from Mount Sinai. He had been so close to God that even after he came back down, his face was still glowing bright. When Paul reminds of the story of Moses in 2nd Corinthians he tells us because of Christ we get to stand and be illuminated and reflect the glory of the son. What more can I ask? If God can light up that giant rock in the sky like a lamp, maybe there is hope for me, if only I walk closely.
I went to church tonight. Worship remains my favorite time of the week. I sing alot on my own, but there is something powerful, something beautiful about singing to the One who is worthy in the company of a bunch of convicts. Their facades have been stripped away, they come with their hearts bowed low and broken. These girls dont just sing, they cry out from the depths of their hearts until I can feel my soul vibrate along with the waves of their praise. All I can think of are the words of an old Lifehouse song-"How can I stand here and not be moved by you?"I cannot-It is impossible, and I am moved to tears. I can only mouth the words as tears continue to stream down; their worship so honest, pounds through my chest. "Lord, I love You." More than life..." It is desperation at its most beautiful. For that, I wish you were here.
Thank God, that there is no place where he won't meet us. That all he asks is to walk closely; even if wer'e just a big 'Ol Rock or a bunch of water vapor, we can be transformed to reflect his glory in the most beautiful way. Praying for you to be illuminated this week-Here's to unveiled Glory! :)
Love from Fat Camp, Missy
Monday, June 3, 2013
Saturday, May 25, 2013
Empty Pens-One Thousand Gifts- Written May 19, 2013
For those who have asked I (Donna) do some limited editing and pull the titles of each blog from words which sum up meaningful moments in Missy's letters. I would like to thank a blog reader and cousin Janean who helped redesign the blog with a brighter look which better reflects Missy's current outlook on life. We hope you like it and find it easier to read.
It is Sunday morning and I have just emptied my first pen. I don't think I have ever done that in my whole life, use a whole pen-right down to the last drop! But I did today, engraving a reminder not only into my heart, but into the back of my beautiful NEW BIBLE!
Words I read last night and again and again this morning: "Because Jesus, (giving thanks )at the last supper, showing us how to transfigure all things-to take the pain that is given, give thanks for it, and transform it into a joy that fulfills all emptiness. I have glimpsed it: ...The hard discipline to lean into the ugly and whisper thanks to transfigure it into beauty. The hard discipline to give thanks for all things at all times because He is All Good. The hard discipline to number the griefs as grace because....God chooses to cut into my ungreatful heart to make me whole."( Anne Voskamp-One Thousand Gifts).
I was so excited this week to finally get to go to the library. I was like a kid in a candy store. There were so many good books. I wanted a little taste of them all. But my limit is three, every two weeks. I left with three I have already read, but felt need to devour again. Steinbeck's, The Grapes of Wrath, CS Lewis, Mere Christianity, and Ann Voskamp's , One Thousand Gifts. When I saw the later, I actually squealed with glee, and the librarian (another inmate -a sweet little old lady) looked up over her computer screen and peered down at me. I apologized, and she told me there was no need, she was happy to see that someone was so excited about books. We talked for a few minutes and she looked up a few books for me to see if they have them. I had just mentioned One Thousand Gifts to Jenny the day before. It is a book my cousin, Yvette loaned me a year ago, a book I started reading with my boys before I left, a book that helped me change my perspective and remove the scales from my eyes. I told Jenny that she should read it, so when i saw it sitting on the shelf I knew I needed to check it out. I brought it back to the room, all giddy. Jenny asked my how long it got to keep it for, and when I answered, she looked dissapointed. She said, "I have so many books now that I am reading, I don't think that I could get through that one even if I tried." I asked what she thought about me reading it out loud every night , and she said "That would be great!" So we have had story time every night since! :)
After the first night, I was about half way through Chapter Two and I started to laugh, I asked,"Do you think anyone else in here is having Story Time?" She just laughed and said,"Nope-pretty sure we are the only ones!" We start Chapter 7 tonight, and as I read I continue to make note of the words that cut straight to the heart. For in ALL things, especially in this place, I've come to realize more and more each day, is what God desires most from me:
To See Him, Everywhere. He is not absent from the places where pain and sorrow seem to congregate. I simply fail at times, to look through the lens of Christ. "The only way to see God manifested in the world around us is with the eyes of Jesus within." Voskamp wrote. Cleaning the film off my lenses, it never ceases to amaze me how quickly they get cloudy. I start to wander, lost in my wilderness, forgetting that I only have enough manna for one day. I constantly return to him so that I can be filled; so that I can see. I know God has a purpose in ALL of this. Some days it just hurts. Yet when my eyes are good and clear I can see his goodness, even in a place all brown and orange. Therefore I have started a new thankfulness list. I knew I needed to start it before I got here-I asked my boys to do the same while I was gone. Our own "One Thousand Gifts". Because I know that they are there if I will only look. Last night I knew it was time to start when I read:
"Pay Tribute to God by Paying Attention."
I don't want to miss a single thing. I want Him to see that I see, and I do. I lean into the ugly, and I am thankful.
1. Gods own Love Letter (The Bible) that has managed to appear wherever I go.
2. Hands of my boys traced and mailed
3. My husband's soft heart
4. Words of worship typed up by a friend.
5. Letters full of laughter, life and love.
6. Conditioner-So I can comb my hair through.
7. Pens that keep working, right down to the last drop.
8. A mother-in-law who loves me as her own and types ridiculously long blog posts on my behalf.
9. Family and friends that live out 1John 4:12.
10. Bulletin boards, pictures and tacks.
11. A dirt track.
12. Postcards that spell out my name.
Searching for beauty at fat camp, Missy
Note: Missy and I discussed One Thousand Gifts this fall, I hope that you might read it this summer too and find it as rich as we have, Donna
It is Sunday morning and I have just emptied my first pen. I don't think I have ever done that in my whole life, use a whole pen-right down to the last drop! But I did today, engraving a reminder not only into my heart, but into the back of my beautiful NEW BIBLE!
Words I read last night and again and again this morning: "Because Jesus, (giving thanks )at the last supper, showing us how to transfigure all things-to take the pain that is given, give thanks for it, and transform it into a joy that fulfills all emptiness. I have glimpsed it: ...The hard discipline to lean into the ugly and whisper thanks to transfigure it into beauty. The hard discipline to give thanks for all things at all times because He is All Good. The hard discipline to number the griefs as grace because....God chooses to cut into my ungreatful heart to make me whole."( Anne Voskamp-One Thousand Gifts).
I was so excited this week to finally get to go to the library. I was like a kid in a candy store. There were so many good books. I wanted a little taste of them all. But my limit is three, every two weeks. I left with three I have already read, but felt need to devour again. Steinbeck's, The Grapes of Wrath, CS Lewis, Mere Christianity, and Ann Voskamp's , One Thousand Gifts. When I saw the later, I actually squealed with glee, and the librarian (another inmate -a sweet little old lady) looked up over her computer screen and peered down at me. I apologized, and she told me there was no need, she was happy to see that someone was so excited about books. We talked for a few minutes and she looked up a few books for me to see if they have them. I had just mentioned One Thousand Gifts to Jenny the day before. It is a book my cousin, Yvette loaned me a year ago, a book I started reading with my boys before I left, a book that helped me change my perspective and remove the scales from my eyes. I told Jenny that she should read it, so when i saw it sitting on the shelf I knew I needed to check it out. I brought it back to the room, all giddy. Jenny asked my how long it got to keep it for, and when I answered, she looked dissapointed. She said, "I have so many books now that I am reading, I don't think that I could get through that one even if I tried." I asked what she thought about me reading it out loud every night , and she said "That would be great!" So we have had story time every night since! :)
After the first night, I was about half way through Chapter Two and I started to laugh, I asked,"Do you think anyone else in here is having Story Time?" She just laughed and said,"Nope-pretty sure we are the only ones!" We start Chapter 7 tonight, and as I read I continue to make note of the words that cut straight to the heart. For in ALL things, especially in this place, I've come to realize more and more each day, is what God desires most from me:
To See Him, Everywhere. He is not absent from the places where pain and sorrow seem to congregate. I simply fail at times, to look through the lens of Christ. "The only way to see God manifested in the world around us is with the eyes of Jesus within." Voskamp wrote. Cleaning the film off my lenses, it never ceases to amaze me how quickly they get cloudy. I start to wander, lost in my wilderness, forgetting that I only have enough manna for one day. I constantly return to him so that I can be filled; so that I can see. I know God has a purpose in ALL of this. Some days it just hurts. Yet when my eyes are good and clear I can see his goodness, even in a place all brown and orange. Therefore I have started a new thankfulness list. I knew I needed to start it before I got here-I asked my boys to do the same while I was gone. Our own "One Thousand Gifts". Because I know that they are there if I will only look. Last night I knew it was time to start when I read:
"Pay Tribute to God by Paying Attention."
I don't want to miss a single thing. I want Him to see that I see, and I do. I lean into the ugly, and I am thankful.
1. Gods own Love Letter (The Bible) that has managed to appear wherever I go.
2. Hands of my boys traced and mailed
3. My husband's soft heart
4. Words of worship typed up by a friend.
5. Letters full of laughter, life and love.
6. Conditioner-So I can comb my hair through.
7. Pens that keep working, right down to the last drop.
8. A mother-in-law who loves me as her own and types ridiculously long blog posts on my behalf.
9. Family and friends that live out 1John 4:12.
10. Bulletin boards, pictures and tacks.
11. A dirt track.
12. Postcards that spell out my name.
Searching for beauty at fat camp, Missy
Note: Missy and I discussed One Thousand Gifts this fall, I hope that you might read it this summer too and find it as rich as we have, Donna
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Joy In My Teeth-Written May 8, 2013
My sweet family and friends, I feel as if I have a million things to tell you, I am not sure where to start! Thank you for all your encouragement, God seems to speak to me directly through you. As I write this to you from the top bunk, my bunkie Jenny sits at the desk below me writting letters too and blasting her little radio so I can hear KLOVE through her headphones.
Last Wednesday as I sat outside Santa Cruz after being stripped down yet again, all pride and vanity also stripped away, I looked across the dirt field, across a sea of orange to four concrete walls and fenced in buildings where I will spend the next two plus years of my life, and I was suddenly terrified. I quickly said a prayer begging-imploring God to give me a good bunkie. The guard gave us our assignments and we walked through the gates, everything we had slung over our shoulders in a net bag, as three girls walked by and said "Welcome to Hell Ladies!" I just kept walking and kept whispering prayers under my breath. God answered that desperate prayer of mine outside the gate and gave me Jenny, the best bunkie on Santa Cruz.
When I found my room and my new bunkie inside, I looked around, it was clean and it actually smelled good! Like shampoo and good soap. She had her Bible open in front of her and a bowl of colored pencils. I went to put my things away and went to wipe things off and she said she had washed everything off already with soap and water, the drawers, shelves, mattress and under the bed because the last girl was disgusting. So I made my bed and it was time for lunch where she introduced me to some of her friends.
Later that first night she looked at me and said "Who ARE you? You don't belong here!" I said, "No, I totally deserve to be here, I'm a mess, but I'm working on that." To which she responded, "I think God sent you here for me, I've been praying for you." I said, "Yeah, me too."
It's crazy, I'm living the next two years of my life in this sea of brokenness and heartache. In a place where the depravity of man is the color orange, God has given me an island of safety, one that is even clean and smells good! I am forever thankful. Don't get me wrong, this place sucks. My mattress is as hard as a rock, my room is freezing, and in another month it will be unbearably hot, my hips and shoulders hurt every morning, and I am away from everyone I love. But God keeps reminding me to keep my eyes on Him. The song I'm listening to right now says "Hold on to the Promises". So that is what I do, knowing that he is transforming me day by day.
I've had three people this week say "You don't belong here". I say, "Yes I do, I made a huge mistake, a whole series of them". They all say the same thing, they don't even want to know why I am here, just that they can tell I am different. Well I am glad that they can tell that, even if they aren't exactly sure why yet.
Maybe they can see Jesus in my teeth! I'm the only one around here who smiles. One of the guards always says, "Oh, It's you again, what are you so happy about ?" The first time he told me that I said, "You are mistaken, it's not happiness-I'm in prison. It is Joy." He looked at me like I was crazy and kept doing rounds. A half hour later he came back and poked his head in again and I waved. I wave at all the guards when they look in, apparently I'm the only one-ha! He said "Seriously, what are you so joyful about?" I said, "Jesus". He just stood there for a second and then said "OK...goodnight then." A couple of days later he was working the yard gate where I was walking the track and he looked at me and smiled and said, "Oh, It's you, the joyful one". It made me laugh. I have no idea what God is doing with all of this, but it makes me hopeful. I'm glad to know that I look different, because when I look out my door I see alot of sadness, despair and a severe lack of teeth! There are a lot of rotten and missing teeth here. Maybe they really can see Jesus in my teeth! Anyway, please pray for opportunities to share his love with others.
Ok, so this is turning into the longest letter ever, so I'll say goodbye. Thank You again for all your letters, I love reading them. Mail call is my favorite time of day :). I'll write again soon. In the meantime know I'm praying for you all daily, those who have sent me something specific, I have lots of time to pray! I carry you close to my heart. How incredibly blessed I am to have you, to call you my family and friends. No one I know has a greater gift. I know this now more than ever. Thank you for walking alongside me, for not leaving me alone in this. What amazing grace you give!
Big love and hugs to you
Peace Out from Fat Camp,
Missy
Last Wednesday as I sat outside Santa Cruz after being stripped down yet again, all pride and vanity also stripped away, I looked across the dirt field, across a sea of orange to four concrete walls and fenced in buildings where I will spend the next two plus years of my life, and I was suddenly terrified. I quickly said a prayer begging-imploring God to give me a good bunkie. The guard gave us our assignments and we walked through the gates, everything we had slung over our shoulders in a net bag, as three girls walked by and said "Welcome to Hell Ladies!" I just kept walking and kept whispering prayers under my breath. God answered that desperate prayer of mine outside the gate and gave me Jenny, the best bunkie on Santa Cruz.
When I found my room and my new bunkie inside, I looked around, it was clean and it actually smelled good! Like shampoo and good soap. She had her Bible open in front of her and a bowl of colored pencils. I went to put my things away and went to wipe things off and she said she had washed everything off already with soap and water, the drawers, shelves, mattress and under the bed because the last girl was disgusting. So I made my bed and it was time for lunch where she introduced me to some of her friends.
Later that first night she looked at me and said "Who ARE you? You don't belong here!" I said, "No, I totally deserve to be here, I'm a mess, but I'm working on that." To which she responded, "I think God sent you here for me, I've been praying for you." I said, "Yeah, me too."
It's crazy, I'm living the next two years of my life in this sea of brokenness and heartache. In a place where the depravity of man is the color orange, God has given me an island of safety, one that is even clean and smells good! I am forever thankful. Don't get me wrong, this place sucks. My mattress is as hard as a rock, my room is freezing, and in another month it will be unbearably hot, my hips and shoulders hurt every morning, and I am away from everyone I love. But God keeps reminding me to keep my eyes on Him. The song I'm listening to right now says "Hold on to the Promises". So that is what I do, knowing that he is transforming me day by day.
I've had three people this week say "You don't belong here". I say, "Yes I do, I made a huge mistake, a whole series of them". They all say the same thing, they don't even want to know why I am here, just that they can tell I am different. Well I am glad that they can tell that, even if they aren't exactly sure why yet.
Maybe they can see Jesus in my teeth! I'm the only one around here who smiles. One of the guards always says, "Oh, It's you again, what are you so happy about ?" The first time he told me that I said, "You are mistaken, it's not happiness-I'm in prison. It is Joy." He looked at me like I was crazy and kept doing rounds. A half hour later he came back and poked his head in again and I waved. I wave at all the guards when they look in, apparently I'm the only one-ha! He said "Seriously, what are you so joyful about?" I said, "Jesus". He just stood there for a second and then said "OK...goodnight then." A couple of days later he was working the yard gate where I was walking the track and he looked at me and smiled and said, "Oh, It's you, the joyful one". It made me laugh. I have no idea what God is doing with all of this, but it makes me hopeful. I'm glad to know that I look different, because when I look out my door I see alot of sadness, despair and a severe lack of teeth! There are a lot of rotten and missing teeth here. Maybe they really can see Jesus in my teeth! Anyway, please pray for opportunities to share his love with others.
Ok, so this is turning into the longest letter ever, so I'll say goodbye. Thank You again for all your letters, I love reading them. Mail call is my favorite time of day :). I'll write again soon. In the meantime know I'm praying for you all daily, those who have sent me something specific, I have lots of time to pray! I carry you close to my heart. How incredibly blessed I am to have you, to call you my family and friends. No one I know has a greater gift. I know this now more than ever. Thank you for walking alongside me, for not leaving me alone in this. What amazing grace you give!
Big love and hugs to you
Peace Out from Fat Camp,
Missy
Friday, May 3, 2013
NEW! Santa Cruz Address A Permanent Home
Melissa A. Dalton #280198
ASPC Perryville
Santa Cruz 20-C-137U
P.O. Box 3200 *Corrected May 4*
Goodyear, AZ 85395
You may now order books or magazines for Missy see FAQ or the Perryville website to see how that is done, they must come from an outside vendor. We are also tracking the first big orders, so let me know what you want to send, so we don't duplicate. So far someone is sending a study Bible, Jesus Calling daily devotionals and Stormie Omartian Prayer book. That's what I know about anyway.
If you are one of Missy's visitors I have sent you some instructions to get started on that process.
ASPC Perryville
Santa Cruz 20-C-137U
P.O. Box 3200 *Corrected May 4*
Goodyear, AZ 85395
You may now order books or magazines for Missy see FAQ or the Perryville website to see how that is done, they must come from an outside vendor. We are also tracking the first big orders, so let me know what you want to send, so we don't duplicate. So far someone is sending a study Bible, Jesus Calling daily devotionals and Stormie Omartian Prayer book. That's what I know about anyway.
If you are one of Missy's visitors I have sent you some instructions to get started on that process.
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