For those who have asked I (Donna) do some limited editing and pull the titles of each blog from words which sum up meaningful moments in Missy's letters. I would like to thank a blog reader and cousin Janean who helped redesign the blog with a brighter look which better reflects Missy's current outlook on life. We hope you like it and find it easier to read.
It is Sunday morning and I have just emptied my first pen. I don't think I have ever done that in my whole life, use a whole pen-right down to the last drop! But I did today, engraving a reminder not only into my heart, but into the back of my beautiful NEW BIBLE!
Words I read last night and again and again this morning: "Because Jesus, (giving thanks )at the last supper, showing us how to transfigure all things-to take the pain that is given, give thanks for it, and transform it into a joy that fulfills all emptiness. I have glimpsed it: ...The hard discipline to lean into the ugly and whisper thanks to transfigure it into beauty. The hard discipline to give thanks for all things at all times because He is All Good. The hard discipline to number the griefs as grace because....God chooses to cut into my ungreatful heart to make me whole."( Anne Voskamp-One Thousand Gifts).
I was so excited this week to finally get to go to the library. I was like a kid in a candy store. There were so many good books. I wanted a little taste of them all. But my limit is three, every two weeks. I left with three I have already read, but felt need to devour again. Steinbeck's, The Grapes of Wrath, CS Lewis, Mere Christianity, and Ann Voskamp's , One Thousand Gifts. When I saw the later, I actually squealed with glee, and the librarian (another inmate -a sweet little old lady) looked up over her computer screen and peered down at me. I apologized, and she told me there was no need, she was happy to see that someone was so excited about books. We talked for a few minutes and she looked up a few books for me to see if they have them. I had just mentioned One Thousand Gifts to Jenny the day before. It is a book my cousin, Yvette loaned me a year ago, a book I started reading with my boys before I left, a book that helped me change my perspective and remove the scales from my eyes. I told Jenny that she should
read it, so when i saw it sitting on the shelf I knew I needed to check it out. I brought it back to the room, all giddy. Jenny asked my how long it got to keep it for, and when I answered, she looked dissapointed. She said, "I have so many books now that I am reading, I don't think that I could get through that one even if I tried." I asked what she thought about me reading it out loud every night , and she said "That would be great!" So we have had story time every night since! :)
After the first night, I was about half way through Chapter Two and I started to laugh, I asked,"Do you think anyone else in here is having Story Time?" She just laughed and said,"Nope-pretty sure we are the only ones!" We start Chapter 7 tonight, and as I read I continue to make note of the words that cut straight to the heart. For in ALL things, especially in this place, I've come to realize more and more each day, is what God desires most from me:
To See Him, Everywhere. He is not absent from the places where pain and sorrow seem to congregate. I simply fail at times, to look through the lens of Christ. "The only way to see God manifested in the world around us is with the eyes of Jesus within." Voskamp wrote. Cleaning the film off my lenses, it never ceases to amaze me how quickly they get cloudy. I start to wander, lost in my wilderness, forgetting that I only have enough manna for one day. I constantly return to him so that I can be filled; so that I can see. I know God has a purpose in ALL of this. Some days it just hurts. Yet when my eyes are good and clear I can see his goodness, even in a place all brown and orange. Therefore I have started a new thankfulness list. I knew I needed to start it before I got here-I asked my boys to do the same while I was gone. Our own "One Thousand Gifts". Because I know that they are there if I will only look. Last night I knew it was time to start when I read:
"Pay Tribute to God by Paying Attention."
I don't want to miss a single thing. I want Him to see that I see, and I do. I lean into the ugly, and I am thankful.
1. Gods own Love Letter (The Bible) that has managed to appear wherever I go.
2. Hands of my boys traced and mailed
3. My husband's soft heart
4. Words of worship typed up by a friend.
5. Letters full of laughter, life and love.
6. Conditioner-So I can comb my hair through.
7. Pens that keep working, right down to the last drop.
8. A mother-in-law who loves me as her own and types ridiculously long blog posts on my behalf.
9. Family and friends that live out 1John 4:12.
10. Bulletin boards, pictures and tacks.
11. A dirt track.
12. Postcards that spell out my name.
Searching for beauty at fat camp, Missy
Note: Missy and I discussed One Thousand Gifts this fall, I hope that you might read it this summer too and find it as rich as we have, Donna
No comments:
Post a Comment