Thank You! September 16, 2013

My Sweet Family & Friends,
Hi! It has been a little over two months since I wrote you last - please forgive me. I initially slowed down as we worked on the logistics of my posts, not wanting to overwhelm any one member of my wonderful family with having to type up numerous verbose letters. And then I just got into a funk. Nothing truly terrible, simply an adjustment to my new reality. So please don't worry - I've snapped out of it, all is well, and I will be sure to write more consistently. It really does help me process things and tends to cement in the things God is teaching me.
The past couple of months have flown by - I can't believe we are already half-way through September! I am officially under my two year mark - only 23 miles to go! I have always felt that the first mile or two of any race hurt as your heart and lungs adjust. This has proven to be the same. But the initial shock is over, I have settled into a stride I can maintain for the endurance, and in the back of my head I can hear the voice of a small blue fish: "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..." :)
Thank you for continuing to write me faithfully, even (especially) when I remained so silent. It means more to me than I can say. And thank you so much for all the birthday cards and letters you sent - they were the best! They made me laugh and cry, and laugh so hard I cried. I was so blessed by you. I also received some great books and CD's from friends and family. (Thank You! You know who you are. :)) I have enjoyed them immensely.
Alright, I'm gonna try to give you the condensed version of the past two months: After observing the girls on my yard and hiding in my room until somewhere towards the beginning of July, I decided to venture outside. I made a friend Staci - she is in my counseling group and on my yard. She is normal and nice and loves Jesus. We try to keep each other sane. She introduced me to a few other girls that she is friends with and they've been really great. The Fourth of July was the first day I was able to look around and see the women around me for what they really are - not scary, just broken. It was a good day filled with hamburgers (well - soyburgers) and turkey hotdogs, a big slice of watermelon (Gift #120), corn on the cod & apple pie (#126), frisbees and a hula hoop contest. Oh yes, we found some hula hoops buried in the rec room that day and let me tell you - they provided hours worth of entertainment, despite the 110 degree plus heat. Hula hoops - Gift #127. Lock down is at 8pm and we weren't allowed to stay out in search for fireworks that night. But at 9pm, I decided to peek out the window, just in case, and do you know what I saw? Fireworks. :) Jenny was amazed - she hadn't seen them at all in the three years she's been locked up. We both stood there faces smooshed up against our 5"x24" window, fully aware it was a gift, #125 on my list, I'm not sure what number it was for Jenny. She won't tell me, not until next November. The night before she goes home we're going to read each other our gifts - the ones God has given us while in prison. I'm not sure if we'll make it to one thousand, but I know that if I don't it's not because God hasn't continued to give them, it's because of my lack of discipline in writing them down.
My birthday came later in July and I was showered with cards all month. Thank you! The day after my birthday I got a visit from my boys & husband & in-laws. It was the best gift ever. My sister, brother-in-law and niece are the nicest and come see me just about every single weekend. They stuff me full of over-priced vending machine food and let me win at Sorry and Uno. My Dad, his wife, my brother and his wife, and three of my besties have been able to come up a couple of times also. It has been so nice! I am able to call home just about every night and that has been such a gift. I've survived my first summer with no AC, learned that swamp coolers are laughable during monsoon season, and that they don't work without an adequate water line running to them. In July and August, our rooms stayed at about 96 degrees, colling off to 90 at night if we were lucky. But the worst is over and Fall is just around the corner. I also made it through my first haboob! Two or three, actually, but the first was the worst! Dust blew through the cracks in the door, windows and through the vent, leaving a thin layer over the entire room. I've never seen anything like it.
I've applied to a bunch of jobs, but my schedule is a little wonky with my counseling and computer class, and we aren't a working yard. There are more girls than jobs. So I keep applying, and in the mean time I'm helping a couple of girls in mandatory with their homework so they can pass their test. Mandatory is the class inmates are put in until they can pass at least an 8th grade equivalency test. Until they pass, they can't make more than 10 cents per hour and they don't qualify for their 85%. I'm still reading A Lot - more than I ever have. I'm on book 36 right now - C.S. Lewis' Till We Have Faces. I also finished my chronological Bible reading plan last week, finishing in a little over 2.5 months. I'm currently doing a study on Romans. God continues to teach me something new every day. I could fill books. But this letter is getting long and for the sake of my sister I'm going to wrap it up. I'll write again soon - for reals. In the meantime, know that I love you, I think about and pray for you daily and miss you fiercely. Please pray for the girls on Santa Cruz, and for me too. "...but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope." Romans 5:3-4.
Love from Fat Camp,
Missy

Happy Birthday to Missy

July 19th is Melissas 35th Birthday. Lets storm the gates of Perryville ALL MONTH LONG with birthday cards. Please just take a moment. It means so much. A reminder: no glitter, foam, standouts, simple cards are best, no colored paper. The address is on FAQ panel to your left. It takes five days for mail from Tucson, so please start getting them in the mail ASAP.  Thanks, Donna

PS: Please follow previously published guidelines for sending books, magazines or money orders for Missy's expense account.
(See Letters From Home Post 4/19/13)

A Big 'Ol Rock

My sweet family and friends, Well, I am looking at my list of months, the one I have written on the back of a tablet of lined paper.  It stretches the length of it, and some days it just looks long. I try not to look at it until the end of the month when I get to check it off. (Why does it seem so satisfying to check things off a list?) But today I looked, today I counted-26. Well, about 26.2 to be precise. When that realization of 26.2 sunk in, relief washed over me. It's a marathon-I only have a marathon left! O.K., some of you may think something different when you hear the word marathon, but it brought me great relief, and even a little joy. Don't get me wrong, marathons hurt. They give me blisters, claim my toenails, burn my lungs and make my heart feel like it is going to melt inside my chest. Somewhere between mile 18 and mile 24 I  feel like my legs are simultaneously made of lead and sharp knives. It hurts to walk, so I just keep running. But in the end, when I am finished, I feel strong, maybe not so much my body as my heart. SO Praise God! I only have a marathon left. I pray He helps me run it well. I press on, knowing when it is over, my heart will be strong. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.

Its been an interesting week around here. We have been locked down a few times, not entirely sure why. Ive heard alot of stories on "orange.com."ha. But you can only believe about half of what you hear. Anyway, yesterday about 4:15am they decided to spice things up by popping our doors open and while yelling"Get up and Get outside!", (yelling profanities) That was a little dramatic for me. So we ended up siting outside while for awhile while they shook our rooms and brought the dogs over to sniff us. Everyone was irritated and looking down. I was sitting outside my door looking at my shoes contemplating squashing a baby cricket, ( girls around here say having a cricket in your room is good luck, I just say eww... gross, there is a bug in my room, step on it!) So while considering crickets, I hear God whisper, "Look Up". Sometimes, I don't listen very well, but this time I did. I saw the sun begin to rise. The clouds went from purple to having a lining of soft pink, and as the sun continued in ascent they became like fluffy balls of fire. It was beautiful. It is amazing what you discover when you change your perspective. In one moment I felt big and what I saw was ugly, and in the next, I felt small and what I saw was beauty. Funny how God does that.

I dont know if you noticed that in May the moon had a couple of nights when it was so big and so bright, it lit up the sky like it was day. There were two nights it was so bright through my window that around 2:30 am it woke me up. I'm so glad it did. I would have hated to miss it. I layed in bed an stared at it, remembering David Crowder's "Illuminated" album. Inside the cover it talks about the difference in an illuminating object-something capable of producing it's own light, and an illuminated object-something that simply reflects light; it has no capability of creating it's own. The sun is illuminating, the moon illuminated. The closer the illuminated object is to the illuminating object; the brighter it will seem. The clouds yesterday, the moon in May-their proximity to the sun showed. It reminded me of the face of Moses in Exodus, when he came down from Mount Sinai. He had been so close to God that even after he came back down, his face was still glowing bright. When Paul reminds of the story of Moses in 2nd Corinthians he tells us because of Christ we get to stand and be illuminated and reflect the glory of the son. What more can I ask? If God can light up that giant rock in the sky like a lamp, maybe there is hope for me, if only I walk closely.

I went to church tonight. Worship remains my favorite time of the week. I sing alot on my own, but there is something powerful, something beautiful about singing to the One who is worthy in the company of a bunch of convicts. Their facades have been stripped away, they come with their hearts bowed low and broken. These girls dont just sing, they cry out from the depths of their hearts until I can feel my soul vibrate along with the waves of their praise. All I can think of are the words of an old Lifehouse song-"How can I stand here and not be moved by you?"I cannot-It is impossible, and I am moved to tears. I can only mouth the words as tears continue to stream down; their worship so honest, pounds through my chest. "Lord, I love You." More than life..." It is desperation at its most beautiful. For that, I wish you were here.

Thank God, that there is no place where he won't meet us. That all he asks is to walk closely; even if wer'e just a big 'Ol Rock or a bunch of water vapor, we can be transformed to reflect his glory in the most beautiful way. Praying for you to be illuminated this week-Here's to unveiled Glory! :)

Love from Fat Camp, Missy

You know you're in prison when.....

Empty Pens-One Thousand Gifts- Written May 19, 2013

For those who have asked I (Donna) do some limited editing and pull the titles of each blog from words which sum up meaningful moments in Missy's letters.  I would like to thank a blog reader and cousin Janean who helped redesign the blog with a brighter look which better reflects Missy's current outlook on life. We hope you like it and find it easier to read.

It is Sunday morning and I have just emptied my first pen. I don't think I have ever done that in my whole life, use a whole pen-right down to the last drop!  But I did today, engraving a reminder not only into my heart, but into the back of my beautiful NEW BIBLE!

Words I read last night and again and again this morning: "Because Jesus, (giving thanks )at the last supper, showing  us how to transfigure all things-to take the pain that is given, give thanks for it, and transform it into a joy that fulfills all emptiness.  I have glimpsed it: ...The hard discipline to lean into the ugly and whisper thanks to transfigure it into beauty. The hard discipline to give thanks for all things at all times because He is All Good. The hard discipline to number the griefs as grace because....God chooses to cut into my ungreatful heart to make me whole."( Anne Voskamp-One Thousand Gifts).

I was so excited this week to finally get to go to the library. I was like a kid in a candy store. There were so many good books. I wanted a little taste of them all. But my limit is three, every two weeks. I left with three I have already read, but felt need to devour again. Steinbeck's, The Grapes of Wrath, CS Lewis, Mere Christianity, and Ann Voskamp's , One Thousand Gifts. When I saw the later,  I actually squealed with glee, and the librarian (another inmate -a sweet little old lady) looked up over her computer screen and peered down at me. I apologized, and she told me there was no need, she was happy to see that someone was so excited about books. We talked for a few minutes and she looked up a few books for me to see if they have them. I had just mentioned One Thousand Gifts to Jenny the day before.  It is a book my cousin, Yvette loaned me a year ago, a book I started reading with my boys before I left, a book that helped me change my perspective and remove the scales from my eyes. I told Jenny that she should read it, so when i saw it sitting on the shelf I knew I needed to check it out. I brought it back to the room, all giddy. Jenny asked my how long it got to keep it for, and when I answered, she looked dissapointed.  She said, "I have so many books now that I am reading, I don't think that I could get through that one even if I tried." I asked what she thought about me reading it out loud every night , and she said "That would be great!" So we have had story time every night since! :)

After the first night, I was about half way through Chapter Two and I started to laugh, I asked,"Do you think anyone else in here is having Story Time?" She just laughed and said,"Nope-pretty sure we are the only ones!" We start Chapter 7 tonight, and as I read I continue to make note of the words that cut straight to the heart. For in ALL things, especially in this place, I've come to realize more and more each day, is what God desires most from me:
To See Him, Everywhere.  He is not absent from the places where pain and sorrow seem to congregate. I simply fail at times, to look through the lens of Christ. "The only way to see God manifested in the world around us is with the eyes of Jesus within." Voskamp wrote. Cleaning the film off my lenses, it never ceases to amaze me how quickly they get cloudy. I start to wander, lost in my wilderness, forgetting that I only have enough manna for one day. I constantly return to him so that I can be filled; so that I can see. I know God has a purpose in ALL of this. Some days it just hurts. Yet when my eyes are good and clear I can see his goodness, even in a place all brown and orange. Therefore I have started a new thankfulness list. I knew I needed to start it before I got here-I asked my boys to do the same while I was gone. Our own "One Thousand Gifts". Because I know that they are there if I will only look. Last night I knew it was time to start when I read:
"Pay Tribute to God by Paying Attention."
I don't want to miss a single thing. I want Him to see that I see, and I do. I lean into the ugly, and I am thankful.

1. Gods own  Love Letter (The Bible) that has managed to appear wherever I go.
2. Hands of my boys traced and mailed
3. My husband's soft heart
4. Words of worship typed up by a friend.
5.  Letters full of laughter, life and love.
6.  Conditioner-So I can comb my hair through.
7.  Pens that keep working, right down to the last drop.
8.  A mother-in-law who loves me as her own and types ridiculously long blog posts on my behalf.
9.  Family and friends that live out 1John 4:12.
10. Bulletin boards, pictures and tacks.
11. A dirt track.
12. Postcards that spell out my name.

Searching for beauty at fat camp, Missy

Note: Missy and I discussed One Thousand Gifts this fall, I hope that you might read it this summer too and find it as rich as we have, Donna

Joy In My Teeth-Written May 8, 2013

My sweet family and friends, I feel as if I have a million things to tell you, I am not sure where to start! Thank you for all your encouragement, God seems to speak to me directly through you. As I write this to you from the top bunk, my bunkie Jenny sits at the desk below me writting letters too and blasting her little radio so I can hear KLOVE through her headphones.

Last Wednesday as I sat outside Santa Cruz after being stripped down yet again, all pride and vanity also stripped away, I looked across the dirt field, across a sea of orange to four concrete walls and fenced in buildings where I will spend the next two plus years of my life, and I was suddenly terrified. I quickly said a prayer begging-imploring God to give me a good bunkie. The guard gave us our assignments and we walked through the gates, everything we had slung over our shoulders in a net bag, as three girls walked by and said "Welcome to Hell Ladies!" I just kept walking and kept whispering prayers under my breath. God answered that desperate prayer of mine outside the gate and gave me Jenny, the best bunkie on Santa Cruz.

When I found my room and my new bunkie inside, I looked around, it was clean and it actually smelled good! Like shampoo and good soap. She had her Bible open in front of her and a bowl of colored pencils. I went to put my things away and went to wipe things off and she said she had washed everything off already with soap and water, the drawers, shelves, mattress and under the bed because the last girl was disgusting. So I made my bed and it was time for lunch where she introduced me to some of her friends.

Later that first night she looked at me and said "Who ARE you? You don't belong here!" I said, "No, I totally deserve to be here, I'm a mess, but I'm working on that." To which she responded, "I think God sent you here for me, I've been praying for you." I said, "Yeah, me too."

It's crazy, I'm living the next two years of my life in this sea of brokenness and heartache. In a place where the depravity of man is the color orange, God has given me an island of safety, one that is even clean and smells good! I am forever thankful. Don't get me wrong, this place sucks.  My mattress is as hard as a rock, my room is freezing, and in another month it will be unbearably hot, my hips and shoulders hurt every morning, and I am away from everyone I love. But God keeps reminding me to keep my eyes on Him. The song I'm listening to right now says "Hold on to the Promises". So that is what I do, knowing that he is transforming me day by day.

I've had three people this week say "You don't belong here". I say, "Yes I do, I made a huge mistake, a whole series of them".  They all say the same thing, they don't even want to know why I am here, just that they can tell I am different. Well I am glad that they can tell that, even if they aren't exactly sure why yet.

Maybe they can see Jesus in my teeth! I'm the only one around here who smiles. One of the guards always says, "Oh, It's you again, what are you so happy about ?" The first time he told me that I said, "You are mistaken, it's not happiness-I'm in prison.  It is Joy." He looked at me like I was crazy and kept doing rounds.  A half hour later he came back and poked his head in again and I waved. I wave at all the guards when they look in, apparently I'm the only one-ha!  He said "Seriously, what are you so joyful about?" I said, "Jesus".  He just stood there for a second and then said "OK...goodnight then." A couple of days later he was working the yard gate where I was walking the track and he looked at me and smiled and said, "Oh, It's you, the joyful one". It made me laugh. I have no idea what God is doing with all of this, but it makes me hopeful. I'm glad to know that I look different, because when I look out my door I see alot of sadness, despair and a severe lack of teeth! There are a lot of rotten and missing teeth here. Maybe they really can see Jesus in my teeth! Anyway, please pray for opportunities to share his love with others.

Ok, so this is turning into the longest letter ever, so I'll say goodbye. Thank You again for all your letters, I love reading them. Mail call is my favorite time of day :). I'll  write again soon. In the meantime know I'm praying for you all daily, those who have sent me something specific, I have lots of time to pray!  I carry you close to my heart.  How incredibly blessed I am to have you, to call you my family and friends. No one I know has a greater gift. I know this now more than ever. Thank you for walking alongside me, for not leaving me alone in this. What amazing grace you give!

Big love and hugs to you
Peace Out from Fat Camp,
Missy

NEW! Santa Cruz Address A Permanent Home

Melissa A. Dalton  #280198
ASPC Perryville
Santa Cruz 20-C-137U
P.O. Box 3200     *Corrected May 4*
Goodyear, AZ 85395

You may now order books or magazines for Missy see FAQ or the Perryville website to see how that is done, they must come from an outside vendor. We are also tracking the first big orders, so let me know what you want to send, so we don't duplicate. So far someone is sending a study Bible, Jesus Calling daily devotionals and Stormie Omartian Prayer book. That's what I know about anyway.
If you are one of Missy's visitors I have sent you some instructions to get started on that process.

Books And Visitors

Many have asked about ordering books or magazines and sending them. Missy can not receive them until she is assigned to her permanent yard. So please wait. So far, she has not been transferred and we don't know when that will be, they like to keep that secret. But, she can still receive cards and letters , and they will be forwarded  when she moves. While she can not shop at the commissary yet, she can build up her account to purchase necessities that she will need as soon as she gets her own room, so you may send money orders. Please read prior posts how to send Money Orders. Also, please do not apply for visitor status until she is transferred to a permanent yard. Will keep you posted as soon as we get word.

Love in the Mail - April 23, 2013

I got a fistful of letters today :) and one from myself , it was the very first one I wrote to you on the nineteenth. I was so worried about getting the return address correct, that I forgot to write an address on it to send it, so it was returned to me!. So this is an update (five days later, now we know how long the mail takes from Perryville  to Tucson).

First of  ALL, thank you for letters and pictures, they make me miss you even more, but I am really glad to have them. It makes me feel not forgotten and alone. I've had to fight that feeling a few times this week. I got a bunkie Friday after dinner. She's nice, 23, and she sleeps alot. Saturday I talked one of the Officers into giving me a Bible. It is one of those tiny Gideon Psalms-Proverbs, New Testment Ones. It took a little convincing , but he relented after I promised not to rip out the pages and use them for rolling papers.

The girls and I have figured out that we can hear each other through the vents, and have spent the last three nights singing every song we can think of. For them its a lot of ninetys rap, Selena, and Mariachi music. I told them I only know all the words to "I Love Jesus" music. They said "OK"', let's hear it! So I sang everything I could remember the words to, and they asked me to sing it again. So the nights usually start out kind of silly, with us trying to remember all the words to a Sir -Mix-A-Lot song, and end with Amazing Grace and Psalm 40. The girl next door was raised Catholic and she asks me if I will say the Lords prayer with her every night before we go to sleep. All the girls love "As the Deer Panteth For The Water", they ask for it every night, which is good because I told Seth and Ev that I'd sing it to them every night at eight. Thankfully I havent had a bunkie that minds :).

They did our interviews today and told me I will be going to Santa Cruz yard. Hopefully that will be in the next couple of days. I am thankful that they are moving as fast as they are.  Some girls that are back here again said that their first time here they were in R& A for eleven weeks! So I guess I can not complain. I wish I had more paper and envelopes and something other than this golf pencil that I have to creatively sharpen in order to write you individually. Its the first thing I'm going to buy when I get out of here. In the meantime please tell the boys thanks for their drawings and notes, I love them. Give them BIG HUGS and smooches and snuggles. Please let Jenn and Tammy know I got their letters, they were such an encouragement to me. Mom thanks for sending letters and scriptures and pictures and for keeping everyone in the loop for me.

At night when we are singing through the vents, it begins to feel less like prison, and more like church camp, even though it's just for a couple of hours. I was just telling a couple of the girls, sometimes God changes my circumstances, but most of the time in my life he chooses to change me, despite them. I can feel him doing that still now, and I am thankful for it.

I Love You and Miss You  more than I can say. Thank You for sending Love In The Mail.
They are my Treasures. I will mail this in the morning, this time with an address :).
Big Hugs and Love, Missy

I'm Here April 19, 2013 from Perryvile R & A

(This letter was lost in the mail and just received April 29)
Sorry to only write one letter, but I only get five stamped envelopes and five pieces of  paper per month in receiving. Since I have no idea how long I will be here I am trying to conserve. Intake says they are moving pretty quick, but some of these girls have been here three weeks already, so we will see. Pray it goes fast. When I got here my roommate, my "bunkie" gave me advice, all the "street smarts" I would need here, that I could fit in my brain, before she rolled out ( assigned to a yard) in the morning. She left after breakfast, now I am alone, I like it that way. My room is right next to the showers, there are 2 showers for 96 girls in our Pod, so at recreation time I am pretty much assured a a shower-Yay!

I hope I never get used to prison smells. Nothing smells good or clean, everything smells like a public restroom, not a fancy one but like a JCPenny restroom . Yuck!

I am SHOCKED by the number of people that are in here AGAIN! it's crazy! We took tests today. In
ability in English, Language and Math. They just want you to get an eighth grade equivalency. I was the only one in my group who passed all three. I got a 12.9 in all of them. The tester said I should be a tutor, not shocking, but good. I guess it is a job that is alot of hours and pays better than most. There is a girl in intake with me she is thirty years old, six months pregnant with her eighth child and can't read. I had to fill out her paperwork for her. it's crazy, I feel like I am in the Twilight Zone. I didn't know people like this existed outside tv and movies.

I am anxious to get out of here and into a yard. I am in lockdown twenty three hours a day in a room that is freezing. Thankfully they gave us our State Issued clothing today. Two each: jumpsuits, shirts, socks, undies, shorts and thankfully a jacket. The undies are the biggest things I've ever seen, I could parachute with them! it's funny. They gave us a pillowcase, but no pillow, ha!

I'm hoping I can get ahold of a Bible soon. Right now I have a crime novel and a Jason Bourne book. I still think it is funny that prison is full of crime and murder mysteries.

I'm really thankful that God has allowed some girls to be in here who have been in here before to give advice, but he has not allowed anyone to stay long, except those who Love Jesus! Everyone else has floated in and out quickly. This means sometimes I'm alone, but I think that is his protection over me. 
Don't worry, I'm doing OK, this place is like boot camp with a bunch of crazies, but it is nothing I can't handle. Well, if I can handle all these pigeons that hang out here, I hate birds!  I will write again within the week. I Love You Xoxoxo  Mom please share this.

ADOC Number 280198 Letters from Home

Now that Missy has arrived at Perryville, it is time to start writing those letters and cards from home, check the guidelines in FAQ's. Also many have asked about sending books, magazines, etc, also in FAQ, short answer, they have to be sent through Amazon, or Target.

Money Orders: If you wish to send Missy a money order you will need to send it in a letter to the prison address below.  Always tell her in separate letter or card that you are sending a MO and the amount. It should be made payable like this:

Arizona Department of Corrections for Melissa A. Dalton ADC #280198

And Mail to:
ASPC Perryville Inmate Accounts
P.O. Box 3300
Goodyear, AZ 85395

Always use a MO from a bank, Post office or Walmart. Do Not use Circle K, they will not accept.
Never send more than $99 at a time.
Items she will be purchasing: shoes, underwear, linens, fan, ice chest, CD player, sundries such as soap and personal care items, stationary, snacks and much more on an ongoing basis. You would be amazed at what the system does not provide and her wages will be .20/hr if/when she is assigned a job.

Missy's a generous soul and any overages will be shared with others.

Finally!

Dear Mom, family and friends,

Finally! have wanted to write for a week! You can only order from commissary once a week and I missed it but my new roommate gave me some paper and pencil and a stamp.

I was in Isolation from Monday to Wednesday with no interaction with anyone. Then they made me a AS1 which are all in a wing with other girls in Protective Custody. I just got a new roommate today, she is really nice. Please pray for F. She is trying to learn about Jesus since she got in here and she is wanting to understand. She wants to get clean and get her kids back. I am praying that God will take hold of her and protect her.

I can't believe it has already been a week. I have more to tell you than I'll have room to write. The "train" that takes me to Perryville usually comes at 2am on Tues and Thurs and since it didn't come this week, I hope it comes by at least Thurs. Maybe I'll be there by the time you get this. The jail doesn't have anywhere to put those of us who are AS1's, they won't put us in the general population, so we are in the disciplinary detention wing. We are locked in our room 23 1/2 hrs. a day and get out to the day room for 30 minutes to take a shower, use the phone, get a book.

I have been reading a lot, I found a copy of Emma and a Spanish Bible. By Wednesday, I found an English Gideon's Bible, Yay! tell Ginger, Yes they do put them in jails. She thought right. I finished the New Testament last night (Sat). I read an interesting book on Pre-Trib from the Chaplains library called "No Fear of the Storm" by Tim LaHaye,I liked it. I traded out my Gideon Bible for an NIV study Bible that appeared out of "nowhere", into our book tub today:). I was just saying to God last night "I wish I had an easier translation to read" Thanks Jesus!

The food is definitely yucky, but I make myself eat 200-300 calories each meal. Hey-this is Fat Camp!
If you are good all week you get a bottle of RC and a package of Grandmas Peanut butter cookies!

The first two days were hard. Time passed very slowly. That is one thing about jail, everything takes time. When they wake you up for breakfast at 4am, the days seem very long. But God has been so Good. Even when I was alone, I didn't feel lonely. He is teaching me how to be still in him. For those of you who know me well, you know how miraculous that is because I hate to be alone. It took me a couple of days of being still in him to remind me of who I am. One of the hardest things about jail is not the food, the lack of comfort, or the boredom. It is that in here you ARE your charges. You are defined by your crime. The officers do not like you, no matter how respectful or kind you are, and the inmates all want to know what you did. I was reminded on Wednesday that my righteousness comes not from what I do, therefore it cannot be taken away because of what I have done. My value and my worth comes from Christ alone. my righteousness is a gift freely given by his grace and received by faith. My God looks on me with love and says I am His. And that is truth.

Today I sat across from a another girl facing serious life altering charges who is harassed and threatened because of her charges. As she shared with me, she said " There is something different about you, You are all joyful." I said oh well, that is Jesus."! I was so excited she could see him in me, I almost fell over. She said, "That's crazy, that's what my roommate says too. You are the only two in here who don't look at me with hate in your eyes." "I said, that's my Jesus too." We were able to have a conversation that his sacrifice is great enough to cover all our sin. Before we went back to our cells, she said "I want what you have, I want that peace." I have been praying for her all day, and I can't wait for day room tomorrow. The transforming power of Gods love, it never ceases to amaze me. Please pray for her, that she will find peace and new life in him.

One week down, 129 or so to go. It is going to be an amazing journey. One of restoration, peace, and even joy. I miss you all fiercely. Thank you for being there, for loving with an unconditional love. It is life changing, because of it I will never be the same. Eat something yummy for me. Hug my boys tight. I will write you again as soon as I can.

Love from Fat Camp, Missy

Transcribed by Donna recd 4/17/13
Note: Missy was transferred to Perryville Thurs 4/18
See FAQ section for instructions on sending letters, cards and donations.
She will need to purchase MOST of her own items when she gets there, so we are relying on donations. If you are on her visitors and phone list you can print up your visitors forms off the Link to Perryville Prison site and start filling them out.

Silver Lake Sentinnel - Reporter Donna

We got to make an unexpected visit to the Pima County Jail here in Tucson down on Silverlake today. Missy is still in custody here and will be untill next week. It is a good news-bad news kind of thing. She is in isolation here and very lonely, and conditions aren't great. She can have one thirty minute video visit a week and one fifteen minute phone call a day. It took me all week to figure the dynamics of this out,and to get the news to her but we got it figured out. Davey and I surprised the boys and picked them up from a half day at school and told them we were going to see their mom. We told them to think of some interesting things to tell her about their week and some questions they wanted answered. We checked in and waited our turn then crowded around a twenty inch video screen and waited for her face to pop up. When it did, she was grinning ear to ear and she said she was so happy to see her "boys". She looks great and well rested said she in a cell by herself had gotten a bible and book to read. She is allowed out one hour per day and wants every one to know the first day was hard but now she is doing fine. The food is mostly unrecognizable but she is trying to eat or drink the best quality calories she can. The visit was very happy as we were really not expecting to be able to see her at all until after she went through intake in Phoenix, weeks from now. The boys were fascinated by her new environment and were not intimidated at all. Missy has purchased pencil and paper and stamps, if it arrives before she is transferred she will post a letter. Keep the faith, it can move mountains!

Yesterday: from Donna

Yesterday was a day we dreaded for a long time. It turned out to be so painful and awesome at the same time and God met us there, as he always does, just in time. So many supportive friends and family, so much love that even the Judge had to remark that he has never seen a defendant with so much support. I would love to share some of those God moments with you as I know Missy would want me to. The last thing she mouthed to me as I was the last one to leave the court was I'm OK, and i know she is.

The day started like any normal day. Seth had requested Mommys special chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast. This had been a week of "lasts" and today was no different. As Grandpa and I arrived, Missy was fixing her face, the boys were playing a board game and Davey was drinking coffee watching TV news. As it was time to go, we had a time of family prayer , some hugs and kisses and a lot of reassurances. The boys were very brave and there were very few tears, they have been very well prepared for this. Our resolve weakened a bit as we pulled away and their faces were pressed up against the front window. Grandpa was left to hold down the fort and cater to their every whim.

It was so windy we felt like we were blown downtown. Missy drove and as we were waiting at a stoplight she looked over and there was a bright yellow Beetle Bug stuffed with her best buds. They whooped and hollered and yelled " we were just praying for you". That put a big smile on Missys's face. As we rushed to the courthouse we ducked into the bathroom and I hugged her one last time. We kept saying over and over Joshua 1:9. Be strong and courageous, the Lord God is with You. Do not fear. She has this written on her her wrist , if you think of her please pray it with her.

In Gods great mercy her sentence was close to the minimum and we all stood proudly by her as she made her statement to the court. Now we all can move ahead with Hope and Healing.

The boys are doing well, they are so resilient and are looking forward to man camp with dad. Missy will be so proud and they are back in school today. They are already figuring out all the angles. Seth said yesterday, "hey gramma, you wanna come over for dinner?" hint, hint, I think they had corn dogs. They went grocery shoppng and sat down and packed their lunches for a week, I think they will be fine. Although Evan did wake up and slip into bed with Daddy last night, thats ok too.

We will post from Missy as soon as we hear anything, Thanks for being there for her.

Eleven more hours

It is 12:30am, and in about eleven hours this past year's journey will come to an end and an entirely new journey will begin. All my boys are sleeping soundly - I have checked on them all about ten times in the past hour trying to memorize every inch of their faces. I painted my toes pink and put on a million layers of topcoat because although it seems silly, I know the next two weeks are going to be hard, and somehow knowing that my toes are pretty and pink makes me feel better. I talked with Jessica's mom tonight and she gave me answers to questions I didn't even know I had. What an incredible woman. She's pretty sure I'll be in a medium security yard, and said that the women in there are actually the kindest. That I'll most likely be without air conditioning but with a swamp cooler, and that I should buy a fan and an ice chest because they will get me through the summer. Oh, and my laundry will need to be washed in the sink with a bar of soap - makes me think of Shawshank Redemption. Ha. It is definitely going to be an experience. I'm calling it fat camp, by the way.
I've been able to see many of you, had the opportunity to tell you I'm sorry, that I love you, to hug you and say goodbye. But just in case I haven't...
I want to say how sorry I am. I have failed you all so greatly. There isn't a person in my life to whom I don't owe an apology. The depth and breadth of hurt I have caused everyone crushes my heart. I wish I could go back and change things - I wish I could do something to repair things now. But my words are insufficient. So I do the only thing I know to do; I pray every day that God would heal what I have broken. I am thankful that I am being held accountable. It hurts...a lot, but I am thankful that I have a God that loves me enough to pull me out of darkness, no matter what it takes. I will consider the next (hopefully) couple of years not simply as punishment, but as discipline. For punishment can bring about bitterness but discipline brings wisdom, strength, and restoration.
Thank you so much for still being there. For loving me through this. 1 John 4:12 says "No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us." I never understood how God's love could be made more complete through people - until now. The forgiveness and mercy you have shown me, the love I have felt from you in the past year has been life-changing. Truly God's love has been made complete through you. I will be forever grateful.
Please know that I will be thinking of you all, and I will write you personally as soon as I can, but for quite a few weeks, months even, I will have very few resources to do so. This will be my lifeline with you. I am from this point on entrusting this blog to my mother-in-law, sister, niece and Carlina. They will post letters from me and will keep you updated on everything they know, or learn or just find interesting :) I hope you will stay on this journey with me - I want you to be able to see God turn our mourning into joy.

As We Wait

Tommorow is the big day and we appreciate all who are coming to support Missy. When she gets through the county intake system and up to Perryville she will be assigned a ADC Number then you will be able to write to her and send donations for her inmate account. We are expecting this to take two or three days but will update you as soon as we know more. Thank You for all the support and for all who turned out on Friday for the good bye party. Donna