My sweet family and friends, I feel as if I have a million things to tell you, I am not sure where to start! Thank you for all your encouragement, God seems to speak to me directly through you. As I write this to you from the top bunk, my bunkie Jenny sits at the desk below me writting letters too and blasting her little radio so I can hear KLOVE through her headphones.
Last Wednesday as I sat outside Santa Cruz after being stripped down yet again, all pride and vanity also stripped away, I looked across the dirt field, across a sea of orange to four concrete walls and fenced in buildings where I will spend the next two plus years of my life, and I was suddenly terrified. I quickly said a prayer begging-imploring God to give me a good bunkie. The guard gave us our assignments and we walked through the gates, everything we had slung over our shoulders in a net bag, as three girls walked by and said "Welcome to Hell Ladies!" I just kept walking and kept whispering prayers under my breath. God answered that desperate prayer of mine outside the gate and gave me Jenny, the best bunkie on Santa Cruz.
When I found my room and my new bunkie inside, I looked around, it was clean and it actually smelled good! Like shampoo and good soap. She had her Bible open in front of her and a bowl of colored pencils. I went to put my things away and went to wipe things off and she said she had washed everything off already with soap and water, the drawers, shelves, mattress and under the bed because the last girl was disgusting. So I made my bed and it was time for lunch where she introduced me to some of her friends.
Later that first night she looked at me and said "Who ARE you? You don't belong here!" I said, "No, I totally deserve to be here, I'm a mess, but I'm working on that." To which she responded, "I think God sent you here for me, I've been praying for you." I said, "Yeah, me too."
It's crazy, I'm living the next two years of my life in this sea of brokenness and heartache. In a place where the depravity of man is the color orange, God has given me an island of safety, one that is even clean and smells good! I am forever thankful. Don't get me wrong, this place sucks. My mattress is as hard as a rock, my room is freezing, and in another month it will be unbearably hot, my hips and shoulders hurt every morning, and I am away from everyone I love. But God keeps reminding me to keep my eyes on Him. The song I'm listening to right now says "Hold on to the Promises". So that is what I do, knowing that he is transforming me day by day.
I've had three people this week say "You don't belong here". I say, "Yes I do, I made a huge mistake, a whole series of them". They all say the same thing, they don't even want to know why I am here, just that they can tell I am different. Well I am glad that they can tell that, even if they aren't exactly sure why yet.
Maybe they can see Jesus in my teeth! I'm the only one around here who smiles. One of the guards always says, "Oh, It's you again, what are you so happy about ?" The first time he told me that I said, "You are mistaken, it's not happiness-I'm in prison. It is Joy." He looked at me like I was crazy and kept doing rounds. A half hour later he came back and poked his head in again and I waved. I wave at all the guards when they look in, apparently I'm the only one-ha! He said "Seriously, what are you so joyful about?" I said, "Jesus". He just stood there for a second and then said "OK...goodnight then." A couple of days later he was working the yard gate where I was walking the track and he looked at me and smiled and said, "Oh, It's you, the joyful one". It made me laugh. I have no idea what God is doing with all of this, but it makes me hopeful. I'm glad to know that I look different, because when I look out my door I see alot of sadness, despair and a severe lack of teeth! There are a lot of rotten and missing teeth here. Maybe they really can see Jesus in my teeth! Anyway, please pray for opportunities to share his love with others.
Ok, so this is turning into the longest letter ever, so I'll say goodbye. Thank You again for all your letters, I love reading them. Mail call is my favorite time of day :). I'll write again soon. In the meantime know I'm praying for you all daily, those who have sent me something specific, I have lots of time to pray! I carry you close to my heart. How incredibly blessed I am to have you, to call you my family and friends. No one I know has a greater gift. I know this now more than ever. Thank you for walking alongside me, for not leaving me alone in this. What amazing grace you give!
Big love and hugs to you
Peace Out from Fat Camp,
Missy
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