My sweet Family and Friends,
I have written you this letter like 5 times (even more in my head), got about half-way through, realized that it was not at all what I wanted to say and chucked it in the trash. Then last night I went to church and God thunked me in the head. I was reminded of two things:
#1 - Sometimes God allows us to be shaken so hard that ll that's left is the eternal.
#2 - Often it takes being emptied of EVERYTHING else to realize that God is the only thing that makes us feel truly satisfied.
So, yeah, I've been told this before - many times in many different ways, but I tell ya, there's nothing quite like learning from experience. I know God has taught me like a million things this year, but those two things from last night kinda sum them all up. Through the consequences of my actions I was shaken to my core and pretty much emptied out. I feel a little bit like a tree that's been through a big storm. It reminds me of that song by John Mark McMillan - "He is jealous for me - Loves like a hurricane, I am the tree, bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy." So here I am - bent but not broken, stripped bare of all my pretty leaves and missing a few limbs, but still firmly rooted in the only thing that really matters. At this point I find myself strangely thankful for the storm, 'cause can I tell you something that really irritates me about myself? I seem to need a good shaking! I'm pretty sure God would have done a nice pruning job had I allowed Him to, but nooooooooo. I totally needed those branches! (Nevermind that they were growing all willy-nilly in the wrong direction or just all together rotten...) Ugh. I disgust myself. So really, how merciful for Him to hold me firmly by my roots and allow the storm to rip off my temporal branches. But next time, I'm totally opting for the pruning shears.
As far as my day to day goes, things are going alright. I stay very busy and time is going by fast. I got a job teaching G.E.D. and mandatory (8th grade education class). I spend a lot of time teaching math - everything from fractions to algebra to geometry. I forgot that I knew all of this stuff :) Maybe by the time I get outta here (15 1/2 months, but who's counting?) I'll actually be able to help my boys with their math homework!
I remember a year ago I got here, looked around and thought to myself, " I will NEVER be friends with these people." Everyone seemed so...different? strange? scary? I mean, I'd never seen so many women with tattoo's on their neck. or face. Lord, forgive me for being so judgmental. One of the kindest people I have ever met has a tattoo that crawls up the side of her neck and around her face. Anyway, I have been blessed with a group of friends that I truly like being with. They are kind and caring and encouraging. I'm so thankful to have them. Although none of them have tattoo's on their neck - hmmm... what are the odds? I should really figure out the ratio on that. I should also stop turning everything into a math problem and stop writing down everything that pops into my head. Sorry about that! O.K., back to what I was saying - I am so thankful for the friends I have. If you don;t mind praying for them by name, they are April, Staci, Becky, Cheryl, Michaele, and Margaret. They are great and I know they'd appreciate your prayers.
O.K., this letter is getting long and my best friend since I was 16, Sandie, should be here to visit any minute (Thanks Sandie!), so I'm going to wrap this up, I'll write again (sooner than six months, was it?) Sheesh, I fail. But Sandie's been on me about it, so I'll write and mail it! Know that I think of you all daily, I pray for you without ceasing and I love you endlessly. Thank you so much for the letters you've sent (for the books and C.D.'s too!) You've helped keep me sane. I appreciate your Love and encouragement more than I will ever be able to say. I really will try and do a better job writing - both to the blog and to you individually. Know that I get your letters and they are my greatest treasures. I would love if you'd send pictures! They don't limit me on how many I have, just as long as I don't get more than 30 at a time. I like to see your faces :) I miss your face... <3
With all my love from Fat Camp,
Missy
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